No One

Friends...something I try not to think about often. Why? Because my entire life has lacked friends since I moved to Oak Park. That was twelve years ago but not a whole lot has changed. Middle school was the worst but it is for most people. High school got a little better. Then I moved away to college. It has been 2.5 years and I can't say that I have a single friend here. I do have acquaintances but that is were it ends. I should have friends but I don't. Why is this? Clearly there must be something wrong with me. People move in and out of my life as I change classes and move dorms...I haven't become close with anyone here. Is something wrong with me? I feel like a good person but how is it then that I do not have any friends here?

From high school, there are two people I still consider to be my friend - Alex and Sarah. They are my only girlfriends. I am so lucky to have them because they are both such wonderful people. My friendships with both Alex and Sarah are, I feel, mutual. We both care about each other and whats happening in one another's lives, we enjoy spending time together, and we all initiate plans to hang out.

Alex and me the day before I left for college.

So why is it that I can't seem to make any friends at college? I feel so lonely. I feel so hopeless. I have never been good at making friends and I don't know if anything will ever change.

Good Day

Today was a good day...

I sat next to a friend in my first class.

I spent some time in the library with Alex.

I had a delicious lunch by myself at the Bookie.

I met someone new in my last class and we will be driving up to Post Falls together this weekend for the Families Together convention.

I went out to dinner/ice cream with Kelsey and Alex at DQ.

And to top off the night I hung out with my housemates and had a blended drink called "We are Awesome" that was topped with "I love us" (aka whipped cream).

I feel happy!

1 week and 9 monthes

Well the first week of school went really well.  I drove all the way up here with my mom in my new Honda Fit.  I am really enjoying living in the house with everyone too!  The first meeting of Hillel was on Thursday and we had 5 new people!!!  They all seemed really interested in continuing to participate too so I am very excited about that.  I have been working on the website for Hillel but up until Thursday the server was down.  When the server went back up, I tried to upload the site but I think I have the wrong password now.  That will be something to work on this week.

About a week ago I was talking with the two other girls who live in the house about funny things our pets do.  I was telling a few stories about Molly and afterwards I went into my room and I cried...a lot.  I don't know why I suddenly felt so sad for her again.  But ever since then I have been thinking about her a lot.  (Right now I am crying again.)  She was just such a wonderful dog.  She had such a pure and gentle heart.  And then her end was so full of pain and suffering.  I find it strange now after spending three months bonding with Bailey, I am here at school crying about Molly.  I suppose any doubts that I ever had about Bailey replacing Molly have truly been put to rest.  That's not to say that I don't love Bailey because I adore him.  In fact I wish I could hold him and cuddle him right now, not to help me forget about Molly, but to comfort me.  I have learned to love Bailey in the same way that I loved Molly.  One thing will never change; Molly will always be my one and only baby.

Emotional Discomfort

The most emotionally uncomfortable thing happened to me today. It was about 5:15 and I decided to jump in the shower and rinse off. Since I am supposed to play tennis with Sarah tomorrow I decided to shave first. So I was sitting in the bathtub with the water running shaving my legs when Bailey started barking his head off. He sounded very distressed so I turned off the water to call him and then I heard voices calling "Hello? Hello?" and so I was like "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" I turned off the water, jumped out of the tub, and got a towel around me before leaving my bathroom. I went to the banister and there were three people there. One of them explained that she was from Century 21 and she had called earlier today to come and show the house. So while they looked around downstairs I got a bathrobe on to cover myself up with and called both my parents who had no idea what was going on either. My mom talked to the real estate agent and they walked around the upstairs and Bailey was completely traumatized by the three strangers that let themselves into our house and it was all just very awckward. Now you may be wondering just how they got into the house since our house went into escrow yesterday and the lock box was INSIDE!!!!! Well this is how: when my dad left the house to go do errands, he so kindly left the door UNLOCKED!!!!! So that was my very adventurous afternoon. Thanks dad!

Almost art...

Yesterday my parents cleaned out the garage and my sister and I went through two HUGE boxes of litereally every piece of paper we drew on as a child. Maybe not quite but almost...they definitely saved every sentence w/ a picture that we did in first grade. It was actually really really fun though. There were so many really great pictures we both drew. Others were really frightening. There was one picture that Lauren drew of a girl with a really big smile and lots of teeth. It said at the top "From Lauren, your sister". It was so interesting to see the art that we both did as children especially from a HD point of view. My art was a lot more abstract. I had so many water colors that consisted of different colors all blended together. Some of them were really really pretty. I also drew a ton of houses. Lauren made me keep all those because she is going to put them together into a scrapbook and entitle it "Danielle's Houses". It was pretty funny just how many identical house pictures I drew. There was a picture of 4 or 5 blobs on a page and I wrote "My Family" at the top. That one was pretty funny. I had so much fun!

A House is a house for me...

So a whole lot has happened this week. On Wednesday night I went with Lauren G to Barnes and Noble and we spent a good long time in the kids section reading Boxcar Children and such. We were feeling very nostalgic. Then we went into the cafe and she got a coffee and I got a cupcake that was like chocolate heaven and we talked way too loudly (for obvious reasons...keep reading) about the gay-straight alliances at our schools. Then this guy walks up to us and says "I heard you talking...I am gay...can I sit down?" So obviously we were talking too loud but my lack of volume control ended up being a really good thing for a change. Lauren and I talked with him for an hour inside barnes and noble til it closed and then we all shivered outside for another hour and kept on talking. He is a junior at NP and he was really mature (obviously because most high schoolers wouldn't just walk up to two friends who were talking and ask to join the conversation) and just a really cool kid. It was really fun making friends in such a spontaneous fashion!

On Thursday morning I went to go look at this townhouse my mom saw with the real-estate agent. It was actually really nice and in a really quiet neighborhood unlike the loud neighborhood we are in now (as I listen to the little girls next door shrieking). In the afternoon I went to a "post-hiring" interview at Sunny Skies and met the Co-director and got my contract. I'll be working for 5 weeks and make about 325 a week. Plus in a few weeks they are offering CPR/first aid certification which will last from 9 am to 6 pm and I will get paid $25 plus dinner. Pretty sweet deal since I have been wanting to get certified for like 6 years now but haven't wanted to pay for it...even at the Rec Center at school its like 100 bucks to take the class and I don't have time for it at school anyway. Then that night the real-extate agent came over and my parents signed an offer for the town-house and I repacked all the suitcases in my room with the close that had spilled out onto the floor...

This morning at 9 am we had our carpets cleaned. Boy were they dirty. But now they are clean. I am being redundant. Anyway, I went through all of my drawers and cleaned them all out and also all the shelves in my closet. Tomorrow I am going to lug the suitcases back into my room and put away all those clothes as well as try on anything I don't know fits and the stuff Lauren removed former wardrobe. I also need to clean off my bathroom counter so that it has as few items on it as possible (and my desk too!). On Sunday the real-estate agent is showing the house to a family with two year old triplets and she thinks that this is the house they are looking for. So hopefully we will sell right away and not have to deal with keeping the house perfect for more than 1 day.

I guess that's about all...I will write more when it happens.

Grades

Grades are finally posted. I got an A in HD 341 (Learning & Guidance), an A in Nutrition, an A- in HD 204 (Family Systems) and a B+ in Soc 101. That means I raised my cumulative GPA to 3.21 which means that I rightfully qualify for my scholarship!!!! At the end of last year my cumulative GPA was 2.69 so I raised my GPA by .52 in just 2 semesters! Also, my semester GPA is 3.75 and I made the President's Honor Roll. Unfortunetly, Honor Roll is just that - an honor, but that is still really really good and I can put it on resumes and stuff. I am so happy and proud of myself. Of course I am still saying to myself, "Well I could have studied/worked harder...I spent SOOO much time procrastinating all semester and I barely studied for finals". But I still worked pretty hard and obviously it was hard enough because I couldn't have asked for a better outcome!!!